WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize