I think my vagina is haunted
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
