Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize