saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
