Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize