I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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