my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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