it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
