don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
