I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
