I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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