I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
