were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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