I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
