dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
