I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
