I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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