I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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