Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
