This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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