he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
