would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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