I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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