Old men and throwing up are my life now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
