I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
