umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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