handjob tips. give me some.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
