i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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