I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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