remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
