do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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