Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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