I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
