The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You ruined the universe
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
