if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
