Taylor Swift is so right about you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
