Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
