Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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