Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am midnight drunk by noon
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
