I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
