I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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