i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
