My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
