2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
