someone get that fucking seahorse.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
