she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Mom said you looked used
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
