:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
