I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is it because I queefed?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
