For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
