now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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