Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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