But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
