i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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