Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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