nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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