the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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