you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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