remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
