Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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