something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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