Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
