I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
