well I can't set my house on fire every night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
