Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
