What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
