Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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