the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
