So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So squirting runs in the family.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
