I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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