She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
