what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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